Collected Wisdom for Women
I’ve been inspired to preach a word to my girls – can i preach for a moment? I want to take some time out and talk to women about something that has been on my mind lately. I’m writing this in a different format elsewhere. Its part of the accumulated wisdom of 24 and a half years of life, and 4 years of travelling, which has blessed me to interact with people from all places and backgrounds of life and shed some light on some issues.
Women, learn from other people’s mistakes. you don’t have enough time to make them all yourself. Look around you, listen, talk to people, think, reflect and pray. If you see someone doing something foolish, don’t just tell them not to do it, but learn so that you don’t do it too. life is like a highway, full of road signs that will guide you a long the way. But don’t wait to be struck by lightening before you see that something is worth doing.
In this breath, TALK TO EACH OTHER. Girls, we as individuals will never possess enough wisdom to avoid every pitfall and every blindspot that exists in the world. But collectively, we hold hundreds of thousands of years of collected wisdom handed down from mothers to daugthers through the years. back in the day, women used to gather their daughters at their knees and share with them the wisdom that their mothers and grandmothers had also shared with them. We don’t have that anymore. But we do have each other. You may keep things to yourself because you think your friends are judging you – some people just might – but for every five people that are judging you there is at least one who is thinking of you and wanting to support you. I think that finding that one person is worth the risk of dealing with the other five, no?
No one can change a man. He has to want to change himself. God changes people. If a man’s paren’ts haven’t raised him right, its not your responsibility to try and finish the job. The older we get, the more set in our ways we become. Men in the olden days didn’t change because they got married. They changed because the pressure from the society was so great that if they tried to resist it would crush them. Nowadays, that pressure has ceased to exist. So if you think that you are going to be the magical balm to fix him, you will fail. You will be disappointed. He will be bitter. And his bitterness will poison your spirit.
Anything that happens once may never happen again. Anything that happens twice will definitely happen a third time. This is from the Alchemist, one of the most inspiring stories I’ve ever read. let me just lay my cards on the table here. if a man has the guts to cheat on you before you marry him, he will probably cheat on you after you marry him. 7.1-8.3% of the adult population in Kenya has HIV/AIDS. Do you really want to be playing Russian Roulette with your life?
It is better to be alone than to be in the company of evil men. This is also from the bible. evil men in this scenario could mean in the strictest sense, evil men. But I take it to mean people who poison your spirit. Listen, friends serve one ultimate purpose. They build you up. They enrich your spirit. Your family is there to remind you that you are not infallible, your friends – boyfriends and husbands included – are there to inspire you to believe that you can be. If a person is poisoning your spirit – inciting you to a dark side of your personality that you are not comfortable with – drop them like a hot potato. If a man is criticising you for your weight, your clothes, your personality, he’s got to go. If he is too ashamed to introduce you to his friends and family as his girlfriend, his wife, his fiance, he has got to go. If he holds your hand and calls you sweetie only in the darkness of a cinema hall or in the privacy of your home, but won’t even give you the time of day in the broad daylight, he has got to go.
People will only give you as much shit as you are prepared to take. This is a Nanjala original. (patent pending). Do not take shit from anyone. Someone took a great deal of time and effort to make you the way you are. You are a beautiful and integral part of a larger whole – without you operating at maximum efficiency the whole machine may well collapse. You matter. You are valuable. You are unique. You are beautiful. You are. And that is enough. Do not, do not, do not, do not take shit from any man, woman or child. Being alone is not a sign of failure on your part. Don’t let anybody tell you any different. A man must know that if he’s coming into your life, its only to add on to an already great life. You were complete before he got there, and if he comes, if he goes, ni yake. You continue.
Your parents have already lived their lives, its your turn to live yours. Accept your mistakes with the grace and good nature of a beautiful creature of God. Learn from them. Build from them. Dust yourself off and try again. Ultimately, the mark of true adulthood is to possess the guts to make our own mistakes, and to have the ability to move on from them. The world is out there, just waiting for you to discover it. Go out and do it.
Fear is never a good reason not to do something.
Work like you don’t need the money. Love like you’ve never been hurt. Dance like nobody’s watching. This isn’t a Nanjala original but I think that its a great life philosophy.
Anyway, I just felt a burden in my heart to share that. I hope someone benefits.