Sunday Freewrite #1

by kenyantraveller

Remember what it was like when we made music?

Remember when we stood around the piano and belted out gospel standards like no one was watching, because no one was watching. In that moment, the spirit moved us, and all that mattered was that God was watching – He was listening. He knew. Faith that could move mountains! That’s what we had in that moment.

I miss those days. Now, God seems so far away. Whenever I have a moment of silence – and those are few and far in between – all I hear in my soul is the echo of my own loneliness. A resounding hummmmmmmmm that reminds me that I am alone, by myself.

My God! My God! Why have you forsaken me?

I listen to some of the standards we used to sing so that I can remember… remember… I sing loudly alone in my room, but I can’t sing like no one is watching. Because everyone is watching. All the time. Noise ordinances. Curfews. A time to sing. A time to remain silent. More time to stay silent, less time to sing. Busy, busy squirrel, all the time. NO time to sing. Always time to remain silent. Watching and judging.

Gospel music isn’t sung here it is PERFORMED. Pitch perfect. But empty. Oh so empty.

I feel like I’m so far away from you Lord, but still I hear you calling me. I must confess, Lord, I’ve been blessed, but yet my soul is not satisfied. Renew my faith, restore my joy…

Andrae Crouch knows what I’m talking about. Take me back!

I lost my happiness. And now, I fear, I’m losing my joy.